I worry that my dark thoughts will eventually become a reality. I experienced a very traumatic childhood. I was sexually assaulted by a 33 year old when I was only 12 years old, he had done that 4 times in the one night. I live with a deep regret that I never done the right thing, I feel that I should have stopped it from happening the first time. I was scared and felt so alone. I never quite understood what was going on completely as I was 12 at the time. I endured such a long court process. It took 3 years for it to actually proceed. It was a hard thing to agree to, I had to get up in court and tell people I barely know my story, my secret. After I told my story it just became harder, the defends attorney made me feel like an idiot, she twisted my words and made me feel weak. I had the same VSC for 3 years and then she left, she couldn’t take on my case anymore. I feel like whenever I trust someone they walk away. My father was very upset when I told him what happened. He was mad that I didn’t tell him right away, he took it very hard as it was his best friend who done it. I needed him the most after it happened but he experienced depression leaving me to figure out my problems by myself. I never had a mother figure in my life and I was dependent on my dad. He wasn’t there. Nobody was. Nobody understands. He don’t know how it feels to constantly feel alone, empty, and worthless. I need someone. My dreams are getting bad, I have seen me kill myself in over 10 ways through my dreams. I feel like nobody hears me. Like I’m invisible. Like I can’t escape the dangers of my mind. I need to be heard.